My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
