I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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