Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
