Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
