I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
