so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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