I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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