You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
