The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
