mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
