I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
