I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
