ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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