Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
