btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
