I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
