I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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