Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i came on her dog
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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