How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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