And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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