My room smells like vodka and shame
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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