good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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