He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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