even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
