hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
