WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
