i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
