seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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