I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
