I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
