did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
