I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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