I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
