I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
