well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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