im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
