At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
