can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
wow bdsm is so cute
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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