I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
