This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
