If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
