I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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