and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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