What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
