haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
