She is in my trunk
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
