how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
