I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize