No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
