I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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