I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
