my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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