if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
