I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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