Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
