I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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