Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.

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(585): View more from New York

Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter

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(734): View more from Michigan

How was the bike ride?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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(319): View more from Iowa

We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!

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(972): View more from Texas

You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing

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