Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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