This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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