my mouth tastes like poor choices
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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