i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
