if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
