Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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